These Advice shared by A Dad Which Helped Us as a First-Time Dad

"I think I was just in survival mode for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the demands of becoming a dad.

However the reality soon proved to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health problems surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into acting as her chief support while also looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every stroll. The duty of both parents," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a park bench, that helped him see he needed help.

The straightforward statement "You're not in a good place. You must get support. What can I do to assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and find a way back.

His story is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although society is now better used to discussing the strain on mothers and about post-natal depression, less is said about the challenges dads go through.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his struggles are symptomatic of a larger inability to open up between men, who often hold onto damaging ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and remains standing time and again."

"It is not a show of failure to seek help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - especially in preference to a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the opportunity to ask for a pause - taking a short trip abroad, outside of the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he needed to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotional states as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has changed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to better grasp the expression of emotion and make sense of his parenting choices.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, deep-held emotional pain meant his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "poor choices" when younger to modify how he felt, finding solace in substance use as an escape from the anguish.

"You find your way to behaviours that aren't helpful," he explains. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Advice for Coping as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your other half or a professional how you're feeling. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the pursuits that helped you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. It could be exercising, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - a good diet, getting some exercise and where possible, resting, all contribute in how your emotional health is coping.
• Connect with other new dads - hearing about their stories, the difficult parts, along with the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help isn't failing - looking after yourself is the best way you can support your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead provide the security and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the emotions safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they faced their struggles, altered how they communicate, and learned to control themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, at times I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are on this path."